A Sweet Surrender

My Story

My story is simple. My name is Hannah Hawkins, I’m 5 foot 9, I am the oldest child of two, and I live my life for the Lord. Though my path may have been bumpy I can confidently say that God has held my hand through it all. He has directed my path, carried me when I needed him to, and walked beside me through all life’s journeys. My life has taken various twists and turns to lead me to this spot, but I am exactly where I am supposed to be. “I am His and He is mine.” That short phrase has changed the way I look at life and ultimately shaped my walk with the Lord.

Growing up I was never the outgoing type, and never wanted to step out of my comfort box. I was a daddy’s girl who pretty much got her way the majority of the time. I was shy at school but bossy at home. I drove my mom crazy and struggled with self-confidence since I can remember. As I began middle school I faced serious anxiety issues that ultimately drove me to panic attacks. I spent three fourths of my day in the counselor’s office attempting to control my anxiety. I focused more on myself then anyone else, and woke up everyday wanting to crawl in a hole. I was scared…. Scared of this world and of myself. I had no confidence in myself and did not even want to take on this world. Anxiety was controlling my life, like a disease consuming my mind and body.

Church was a weekly routine, and this so called “God” was someone I worshipped on Sunday mornings. Church was part of my schedule, yet I never truly understood it. I continued to live my life for myself and focused all my energy on pleasing “Hannah”. As I made my way through my seventh grade year things began to get better. My panic attacks happened less often, and I began to enjoy life again. I made the cheerleading squad and for the first time felt like I belonged, but God had something else in plan. We were moving. We weren’t just moving down the road but 12 hours away to a place foreign to me. We moved from big city living to a small town way of life and I was not prepared for what the Lord had planned next. As we made that long trip from Washington D.C. to Huntsville, AL I was anything but pleased. I could not believe my parents were taking me away from the one place I finally felt comfortable. I was about to learn that this horrible experience was about to be a huge blessing.

Anxiety….a relatively permanent state of worry and nervousness occurring in a variety of mental disorders, usually accompanied by compulsive behavior or attacks of panic. This is what I dealt with everyday of my life for 5 years. The devil was attacking the most vulnerable part of myself, and did a great job at consuming my every thought. It felt like my life was going through a downward spiral and I could not possibly turn it around. After I moved to Alabama I began getting plugged in with my youth group and finally knew what it meant to have a group of friends. The friends I made in Huntsville, Alabama were different from anything I was used to because they actually cared about me and wanted to help strengthen my relationship with the Lord. God ultimately transformed my life and helped me see the world in a new light. Our God is so good!

As I look back on the last couple years I am amazed at the way the Lord has shaped my life. The love he has poured over me is undeniable and I am so blessed to have had the opportunities I have had. I was able to lead two bible studies through high school that allowed me to share my testimony with many girls around Huntsville. It was my turn to give back and show other girls how the Lord’s grace can turn your life around. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. 2 Tim 1:7. God really put this verse on my heart as I continued to speak to middle and high school girls. I am ready to continue on this incredible journey and see what else the Lord has in store for my life. Although I still face anxiety in my everyday life I have learned to control it through patience and prayer. The devil continues to attack the one place I am vulnerable but he will never get full control again. I have learned to take the passenger seat in life and allow God to lead me down the right path. I pray that students around the world would find confidence in God instead of searching for confidence within themselves. I have realized what it means to be content with God’s plan and trust in his will for your life. God’s plan is perfect and I am willing to sacrifice it all in order to be completely vulnerable to God’s will.

It amazes me to look at where I am now compared to where I came from. God is so good and completely changed me into the person I was always meant to be. My family is more then supportive and I am forever grateful of there unconditional love. I would be nothing without my wonderful parents and brother I think the world of. I spent the rest of my high school years as cheerleading captain, golf team member, swim team coach, lifeguard, and as my mom would say “social butterfly”. I found a new confidence in the Lord that allowed me to be open to other people. I am so blessed! I cannot wait for God to use me to reach out to people all over the world. I have passion for other people and cannot wait to serve those unseen. I know the Lord has great plans for my life and I am ready to begin this crazy journey with God by my side. “For I am His and He is mine!” Thank you Jesus! Take my life and let it be all for you and for your glory, take my life and let it be yours! I am nothing but he is everything. To God I give all the glory!