Change of Plans
The news came without a warning and the heartache was worse then imagined. I got the call at 2 o'clock monday afternoon while I was swinging on my hammock. I will never forget the disappointment and frustration I felt at the second the phone rang. Nursing school was not God's plan for me for fall semester. Something that I felt so sure of was suddenly ripped away from me without warning. I felt unworthy, insecure, out of control, fearful, and confused.... but amongst all those emotions there was one thing that stayed the same and that was the Lord's love. I suddenly felt the way I believe the Lord has called us to live... fearful of his power, out of control yet at peace, confused but obedient, and flexible. The Lord humbled me completely and allowed my pride to be stripped away at a sudden moment. What a beautiful place to be? I cannot say that enough when it comes to the Lord's will.
I was amazed at the way the Lord lavished me with genuine happiness for others plans. It seems like at a time like this jealousy would take over... but it didn't. What a beautiful mystery because I was able to celebrate my friends acceptance into nursing school while celebrating my plan that is so unique. I am so thankful for the way the Lord has allowed me to get through these past 24 hours and find the beauty in suffering and what it truly means to walk by faith. It is a beautiful, scary, confusing, and frustrating place to be all at the same time. So here I am ... walking proof that there is beauty in suffering and excitement in disappointment... because all plans from God are good! Thank you Jesus for the constant reminders everyday and the truth you poor over me during these hard time.
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